Unstable Mental Health is an issue I deal with daily, especially as of late. I seem to be spiraling into a constant and chronic state of depression, anxiety and insomnia. I’ve completely neglected things that I actually want to do, and I’ve completely ignored all of those things I need to do. I sometimes let bill due dates come and go without paying them. I ignore legal summons and skip doctor’s visits all together, and now that the holidays are here my mental health is getting worse.
My birthday is three weeks after Christmas and I am not celebrating. I have nothing to celebrate. I am in a place in life that I never planned for myself and could have never imagined in one hundred lifetimes. Even though I do enjoy the holidays because they mean spending time with the people I love most in life, there is always a nagging feeling in the back of my head that things are not well. That this joyful time cannot erase the reality of my situation and the anxiety it gives me. It ends up making the time I have with family and friends even more difficult to enjoy. So what do I do? How do I get past this endless season of unstable mental health? Beyond the holidays I want to enjoy my life. I want to appreciate every precious moment I have in between the moments of pain and anguish. I recently went to a movie with my mom. I believe it was the first time I had ever gone to the movies with her, and for a moment I made myself enjoy that time with her. Although the documentary we saw was a very sad one, I smiled because I was on a date with my mom. I had to remind myself that although my worries would be waiting for me when I walked out of that theater, I needed to enjoy that time in the dark with the most important woman in my world. I am trying to take that approach with everything else in my life.
So I am taking baby steps and one of them is starting this holiday health series to help me and hopefully some of you get through this holiday season triumphantly. My hope is all of us would have fully been present for every moment of joy, peace and gratitude. My goal is that this will be a step in the right direction of how I will live my 2019 and beyond. Happy Holidays!